Narcissistic abuse and recovery explored and explained through a true first-person narrative.
Summer, 2015, I was invited to a party at the home of my friend Rich and his wife, Thea. It was a bacon-themed party and everyone was expected to bring something bacon-related. It was mostly food, but Kevin Bacon memorabilia was equally acceptable. Tina and I were spending the weekend together in the little top-floor apartment of the Buffalo Hotel,
Read moreIf your significant other ever says something like “if you accuse me of cheating, you’re going to make me do it,” I guarantee all of the following is true: 1. Break up and leave immediately. Your gut was right. 2. That person has no morals 3. That person has already cheated on you. 4. That person is definitely already planning
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Cognitive dissonance is a state of conflicted thoughts, ideas or realities. Or, a confused, frightening mental conflict between evidence of reality and contrary beliefs. It’s a difficult, even traumatizing phenomenon that I believe my subconscious mind was trying to prevent by avoiding information that would bring the dissonance about. Tina had been staying with me at My Mom’s house, with
Read moreIn my life, I’d observed on occasion, a witless or uncouth man come on to my date, but never with the frequency or astonishing level of disrespect I experienced when in public with Tina. We’d gone to our frequent watering hole, the Buffalo Bar and Grill and as was our routine, we were shooting pool and drinking whiskey. We struck
Read moreTina pulled something amazing out of me that I didn’t know existed and then she killed it. And when that special something was killed, so too was my capacity for love, affection, trust, faith and optimism. It’s as if my affection was an organ, bloodied and battered from abuse and it was raw and hurt to be touched. I didn’t
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As I recall and write my stories (and there are so so many of them), I’m forced to confront the biggest burning question, “what the fuck is wrong with me?” There was no one holding a gun to my head forcing me to stay in the humiliating, abusive relationship I was in with Tina. There were many times when it
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I think I was going above and beyond in the patience and understanding departments. I entertained several options to correct the damage done to our relationship by Tina’s imprudent actions. Tina was reluctant to cut ties with Nate. I told her I would never dream of asking her to cut him out of her life forever, but “right now, he’s
Read moreJuly 29th, 2015 Merlin’s Rest was long a favorite haunt of mine, especially in my heavy drinking days. It was a British Isles pub that featured a tremendous selection of whiskeys (and whiskys for those who enjoy a peaty scotch). I’d become acquainted with a number of regulars there over the years. One such was an east-African man named Abraham.
Read moreAfter Tina returned from her extended stay at the Nategate Hotel, she told me some things. First, after some tears and apologies for “being away from me” she told me that a big part of the reason she stayed those three nights with Nate was that she was binge drinking and didn’t want me to see it. She said further
Read moreAmber was going away for a weekend to participate in the nuptials of her roommates and Tina was tapped to stay at the house and look after her pets. I recalled some discussion of this ahead of time and had a fuzzy memory of Amber had telling me I could hang out over there to keep Tina company. When the
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