Two Dicks at a Bar

| Narcissism, Harem-Building, Triangulation and Gaslighting | Updated | September 2016 | I witnessed and experienced things when in Tina’s company I’d never come up against in any prior relationship. It got bizarre in some cases and I wondered how it was that Tina attracted such trouble. Some of it was just happenstance and perhaps she and I went to

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Dissecting the On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

Unstable relationships are a hallmark of Cluster B disorders, like borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. On-again, off-again relationships can be terribly damaging and often, they can be the result of a prolonged, repeated pattern of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists tend to target very empathetic and conscientious people, because they can mistreat them longer, with less chance of them leaving. By sporadically

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Jesus Didn't Leave Those Footprints

Jesus Didn’t Leave those Footprints

I initially guessed the footprints that appeared on my van windows must have been a prank by Maura on her way to work in the morning. “Cute, Maura. Weirdo. That was baffling at first,” I texted Maura when I discovered them. I was getting ready for work myself and had stepped outside to have a cigarette in the morning sun.

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Exchanging wedding rings

Promises, Promises

I was married for 17 years to a woman I’d been in a relationship with since I was about 19 years old. Before meeting Tina, it was the only long-term relationship I’d been in. I’d dated a couple girls and had one other short-term girlfriend – nothing of any consequence. Growing up, my parents were in a perpetual on-again-off-again cycle

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Handcuffed together

Trauma Bonding Explained

Narcissists (and other emotional abusers) rely on manipulation of primal emotions, love and fear to hook their victims. A rudimentary study of psychology introduces us to the concepts of positive and negative reinforcement, which narcissistic manipulators employ, but the most powerful, dangerous and damaging psychological reinforcement is random and intermittent. The narcissistic abuse cycle begins with “love bombing,” where the

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Write it Out

My therapist and other knowledgeable people suggest writing as part of the recovery from emotional abuse. It’s definitely been important for my healing. With considerable time spent studying narcissistic abuse, I found that writing about it is nearly universal with victims, as though it is an instinctive healing behavior. Putting order to my thoughts and memories is the primary use

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Avoiding Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a state of conflicted thoughts, ideas or realities. Or, a confused, frightening mental conflict between evidence of reality and contrary beliefs. It’s a difficult, even traumatizing phenomenon that I believe my subconscious mind was trying to prevent by avoiding information that would bring the dissonance about. Tina had been staying with me at My Mom’s house, with

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The California Caper

After Tina returned from her extended stay at the Nategate Hotel, she told me some things. First, after some tears and apologies for “being away from me” she told me that a big part of the reason she stayed those three nights with Nate was that she was binge drinking and didn’t want me to see it. She said further

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