Handcuffed together

Trauma Bonding Explained

| Updated | Becoming Addicted to one’s Abuser | Narcissists (and other emotional abusers) rely on manipulation of primal emotions, love and fear to hook their victims. A rudimentary study of psychology introduces us to the concepts of positive and negative reinforcement, which narcissistic manipulators employ, but the most powerful, dangerous and damaging psychological reinforcement is random and intermittent. The

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Taking a Narcissist to Couples Counseling

| Revised 10/28/2020 | Tina and I had visited my therapist together to figure out our best course to move forward on relationship counseling. At the time, Tina appeared committed to repairing the critically damaged trust between us. Jeff, my therapist had asked her about why she had lied to me when she snuck off with Nate to spend three

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The Total Destruction of Life, the Universe and Everything

The Irish Fair in St. Paul was an event I looked forward to annually. It was taking place on Harriet Island the weekend that Tina and I had our first and last session of couples’ counseling. I was planning to take Tina to it, but she was staying at her friend Amber’s on pet-sitting duty over that particular weekend and

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Exchanging wedding rings

The Proposals

Tina’s dad, Tom was going out of town and had asked Tina to house sit and take care of the family dog. We had just gotten back to Tom’s place on the lake from a farther “up north” ice fishing and snowmobiling trip. We were sitting in the living room, watching TV. Jasper, Tina’s neurotic German shorthair pointer was sleeping

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Two Dicks at a Bar

| Narcissism, Harem-Building, Triangulation and Gaslighting | Updated | September 2016 | I witnessed and experienced things when in Tina’s company I’d never come up against in any prior relationship. It got bizarre in some cases and I wondered how it was that Tina attracted such trouble. Some of it was just happenstance and perhaps she and I went to

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Dissecting the On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

Unstable relationships are a hallmark of Cluster B disorders, like borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. On-again, off-again relationships can be terribly damaging and often, they can be the result of a prolonged, repeated pattern of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists tend to target very empathetic and conscientious people, because they can mistreat them longer, with less chance of them leaving. By sporadically

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Smoking Crack

Crack and Crime in Farmington

I was excited to discover a pool hall in Farmington. Scott’s was still Tina’s home away from home, so it was a convenient spot for an occasional date. It was a dive as pool halls go, but we’d gone there together once or twice and found the staff and patrons to be agreeable. It was cheap, too. Even though we

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